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Friday, November 26, 2010

有你在的地方都是风景

2oct2010
爱的人知道,被爱的人不知道。爱着的时候,就整天鬼迷心窍地琢磨着他。 他偶然有句话,就想着他为什么要这样说?他在说给谁听?有什么用? 他偶然的一个眼神掠过,就会颤抖,欢

他偶然的一个眼神掠过,就会颤抖,欢喜,忧伤,沮丧。

怕他不看自己,也怕他看到自己。更怕他似看不看的余光,轻轻地扫过来,又飘飘地带过去,仿佛全然不知,又仿佛无所不晓。觉得似乎正在被他透视,也可能正被他忽视。

终于有一个机会和他说了几句话,就像荒景里碰上了丰年,日日夜夜地捞着那几句话颠来倒去地想着,非把那话里的骨髓榨干了才罢.

远远地看见他,心里就毛毛的,虚虚的,痒痒的,扎扎的,或上天堂,或下地狱——或者,就被他搁在了天堂和地狱之间。

爱着的时候,费尽心机地打听他所有的往事,秘密地回味他每个动作的细节,而做这一切的时候,要像间谍,不要他知道,也怕别人疑心。要随意似的把话带到他身上,再做出待听不听的样子。别人不说,自己决不敢保持特别的沉默。这时候最期望的就是他能站在一个引人注目的地方,这样就有了和大家一起看他和议论他的自由。

每知道一些,心里就刻下一个点,点多了,就连出了清晰的线,线长了,就勾出了轮廓分明的图,就比谁都熟悉了这个人的来龙去脉,山山岭岭,知道了他每道坡上每棵树的模样,每棵树上的每片叶的神情。

爱着的时候,有时心里潮潮的,湿湿的,饱满得像涨了水的河。可有时又空落落的,像河床上摊晒出来的光光的石头。有时心里软软的,润润的,像趁着雨长起来的柳梢。有时又闷闷的,燥燥的,像燃了又燃不烈的柴火。一边怀疑着自己,一边重视着自己,一边可怜着自己,一边也安慰着自己。自己看着自己的模样,也不知该把自己怎么办。

有时冲动起来,也想对他说,可又怕听到最恐惧的那个结果。就只有不说,可又分明死不下那颗鲜活的心。于是心里又气他为什么不说,又恨自己为什么没出息老盼着人家说,又困惑自己到底用不用说,又羞恼自己没勇气对人家先说。于是就成了这样,嘴里不说,眼里不说,可每一根头发,每一个汗毛孔儿都在说着,说了个喋喋不休,水漫金山。

日子一天天过去了,还是没说。多少年过去了,还是没说。那个人像一壶酒,被窖藏了。偶尔打开闻一闻,觉得满肺腑都是醇香。那全是自己一个人的独角戏,一个人的盛情啊。此时,那个人知道不知道已经不重要了。——不,最好是不要那个人知道,这样更纯粹些。

在这样的纯粹里,菜是自己,做菜人是自己,吃菜的人还是自己。正如爱是自己,知道这爱的是自己,回忆爱的还是自己。自己把自己一口口地品着,隔着时光的杯,自己就把自己醉倒了。

这时候,也方才明白:原来这样的爱并不悲哀。没有尘世的牵绊,没有哆嗦的尾巴,没有俗艳的锦绣,也没有混浊的泥汁。简明,利落,干净,完全。

这种爱,古典得像一座千年前的庙,晶莹得像一弯星星搭起的桥,鲜美得像春天初生的一抹鹅黄的草。

这样的爱,真的也很好。

Saturday, September 18, 2010

after the craziness

when clamming down, refer back my result,
i felt that it is very dissatisfying
really not good enough~
all those is only luck!
the Luck help me pass all the exams...
So next semester start i will try my best to get the good result!

Friday, September 17, 2010

LET'S PARTY TONIGHT!!!!

wuhuuuu!!!!!
so happppppppppy!
finalllllllly!!
result released!! alllll passed!!!!!
so damn happpppppy1!
wuhuuu!!
i am totally insane!!! hahahahahah

Saturday, September 11, 2010

boring holiday

everyone is leaving... ='( so sad... and mingyue is leaving tomorrow...
what a boring holiday... really boring and tension!
why tension? everyday every moment i am thinking about my result...
if i fail...? what should i do? really cant imagine!!!
='(

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

is holiday!

but not in the holiday mood...
screwed my management and ecs
let me pass please! i really don't want have sem4!
the line is fu*king slow... damn it!
wanna play game always dc!
grrr!!! so damn angry! X\!!
so damn hate this computer! argghhh!! fu*king mad!
want do many things also can't!! wtf!
the starting of my holiday just fu*king suck!!
later i want go mcdonald online, can't stand anymore! wtf...!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

piss like shit

3.15a.m planned not to sleep until finish the next subject!
Socialization as a process.
Will continue the study after updated this blog!
damn piss like shit! Why ?? because of the Management!!
f*cking subject! everything i studied didn't come up BUT, many things that i ignored just came up! wtf! scare will have sem 4! I don't want May intake!! =''''(
damn it!
but this exam i don't no whether counted as pay more efforts or not...
please! let me pass the management!!!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

time flies, do you realize?

about 8 more hours later is another final exam!
wuhuu! never realize it is that near already!
so, did she prepared? she don't really know whether she is fully prepared or not
these few days hugging the notes read a while the go and do others things then read again...
hahahah, kky always can't concentrate... haih cannot expect too much from her
well well well the first subject is Academic English, just wish her good luck and all the best! Academic English nothing to study... hmmm that's weird...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

days by days

is wasting her time
why my blog always related to wasting time?
the whole day, i think i only concentrate one hour to study...
too bad... and Wednesday is my big big big exam already!
maybe i am not a good student... ='(

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

lifeless

deciding what to have for dinner right now...
should i eat korea mee or porridge?
still deciding...
lifeless recently, exam is getting nearer!
next wednesday is the final or semester 2
BUT, a big but, but I haven't study anything yet! Yes is anything!
I know what is the problem, the problem is I got a very low concentration!
Yes, I did open the book in front of me, writing the notes and bla bla bla
And I did it for few weeks already!
but my thought always flying here and there!
Maybe later, after my dinner I must start my study!


Went to UPR last saturday! enjoyed meeting those friends!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

你的世界之外

也许是有些感慨吧
一直都是站在你的世界之外
看着你的一举一动 你开心,我也跟着开心,你伤心,心情也跟着乌云密布
却也忍不住嘲笑自己,竟然连与你分享的资格都没有
你甚至不知道我站在这里
好几次都想要离开了,走着走着经不住诱惑回头看看你
你又像磁铁把我吸引回去了
既然离不开,那我就留下吧,让它一直恶性循环下去
终有一天,我会踏入你的世界
终有一天,我会毅然的离去

寂寞在唱歌

站在这个人来人往的十字路口,
看着路人一个个的从身旁走过,突然有种莫名的寂寞
叹息这个世界太现实了
奈何我看透了这种虚与蛇委,却不知如何应对
不得不把真诚的心灵封闭起来,只把那颗最真的心留给自己
很讨厌自己这种沮喪的情绪,每次都会有想放弃一切的冲动
但却又深深地了解自己不可能做得到,身上所背负的一切实在太多太多了
只好一次又一次的看开,一次又一次的自我安慰,不断地告诉自己那其实并不算什么还有更糟的
只是为什么一次比一次更累

Monday, August 23, 2010

tolerable?

I keep asking myself, are these tolerable?
again and again! once after once
why? why these stupid damn things always happen to me?
I can't endure anymore! I don't want to suffering from this anymore

Friday, August 20, 2010

时间;日子

我想现在我最需要的是时间吧...
让时间把这一切冲淡,把这一切变一种熟悉,不需要去猜忌那么多
我也不懂我到底在寻找些什么
还在适应期吗?不可能吧...都过了那么久,还不能习惯吗?
不喜欢依靠着你过日子,或许,下一次要更勇敢一点...更勇敢一点,为了自己,不是你...
你说你不了解我,你看到的我和真实的我真的是同一种人吗?
我无言了...不想解释些什么,或许你不是那个人吧,那就,算了
夜更深了,想起那一些等待的日子,虽然气得咬牙切齿,还是依然傻傻的等下去
或许,只是或许,没有下一次了吧?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

backed to here, kampar

well,Semester 2 started, backed to here again... the internet break down for 1 day!!
hate it so much just now helped my friend to move her house, felt so dizzy!!
i don't no whether i like here or penang cause from now i felt both is the same, last month i working at e-gate elmondo, the food is nice but the bosses and manager are sucks!!
until now i haven't get my salary yet, the stupid elmondo's bosses!! hate it!!
hmm, i think i must pay more efforts at this semester cause the previous semester was fooling around only...
hmm, lazy to write already update next time~

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

sitting at subway

waiting the time to pass, 11am working
it have been 15days that i work as a waitress at elmondo restaurant
hate working as a waitress, damn tired...
hate the manager
why i come to work?? if i didn't worry about my result i will resign earlier!! but when the time that i want resign, can't already... pity that aunty also...
but i scare that aunty will makan my salary, you know aunty is like that one~
but she treated me many pizza~~ heheeee~~ haven't try the grigliata yet!!! the smells so nice!!! looks delicious!!
the result released, luckily passed, but not very good... i already knew that...
didn't pay great effort on it...
this holiday went out with my secondary school friendsss~~ so nice~~
we went many places~
miss them...
yesterday watched A Night On Elm Street... scary nia... some more watch at midnight!!
wanna buy many things with my salary!! hope that can get it earlier~~~ wanna buy many blouses!!
almost time to work~~ the photos update next time laaa~~~

Monday, April 26, 2010

释放!!

心里很压抑!!!!
只有这里可以让我释放我的压抑 !!!
很想尖叫!!很想打人!!很想骂粗口!!!我要疯了!!!!
等下就考sociology了!!!
感觉好像读到完了,又好像脑袋空空!!!!!!!
不知道到底读进了没有!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

semester 1 gonna end soon

it means that the final is coming too, hmm left about 10days++ and the greatest thing is i haven't start any of my study yet, i am going to die soon...

went to clubbing yesterday, haih felt so guilty and i drunk again... this saturday going to drink again, i might be seeing them drink... this few weeks drink too much already...




we went two club... not many people yesterday

lifeless recently... no more presentation, bar list out skipping classes always...
no mood to study... lost my direction...


went back last week hang out with yinghong and mingyue, is going back again tomorrow... FML!!!
wasting money, mentally tired...
don't know what am i typing all cracksss...


uncle fished a fish~
lazy to write already, hopefully i will start my study~~

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

又再一段时间没上来了

最近都很懒惰写blog呢~ 没有mood写~ 其实一直都有上来, 开了新的一个post却不知道要写些什么
在这里生活将近3个月了,几乎每个星期都会回hometown,很多朋友都忍不住问我到底是不是在kampar念书~ 呵呵~
已经习惯了这里的脚步,偶尔midnight找朋友到mamak喝喝茶,聊聊天;
每天早上被闹钟吵醒,很想关了它然后继续睡觉,可是却会带来迟到的后果或者来不及冲凉;
很想让朋友帮忙签出席率,但却有深深的罪恶感,害怕lecturer突然点名,害怕跟不上课程;
每天晚上都很想早早睡,上网都不知道要干什么可是就是会拖到1,2 点才会上床睡觉;
最近的睡眠习惯应该是改变了吧,刚才从6点睡到晚上10点...现在3点了还蛮精神的~睡眠时间颠倒了...
不行!!要改!!
明明就把脸洗得很干净了,但是脸上青春痘就是越生越多;刚才终于忍不住了,买了好多片面膜打算这个星期每天敷!!
终于体会到last minutes work是多么的要不得!!上一次,不知怎么的就是没有去管deadline是的二天,完全没有动到economic的assignment组员也没有理会,直到老师非常明确的说今天立刻马上要交才突然醒觉!!结果大家立刻跑回家赶,赶出来的assignment可想而知是多么的烂,而且还非常不幸的printer有问题!!差点跟那里的工作人员吵架呢!!一直不停的骂粗话,形象完全破灭!!幸亏, 老师让我们重做,那次才非常认真地找资料 !!
数学还是一样的烂...上一次的mid-term成绩我完全不敢看!!胡乱做了一通就出去了...这个星期四又有midterm了...不知道会怎样...唉~
今天早上刚完成了一个dialogue presentation, 终于雪耻了,因为这是lecturer给我们第二次的机会!
上一次的present我非常清楚我们表现得非常差~昨天跟组员练习得蛮久的~一直在edit sound effect~
终于把note的file收拾干净排列整齐了!之前非常的乱,整整一叠没有用的废纸把整个file的重量提高了!!
书桌也变得整齐了,因为要final了,想要在一个干净的环境下念书~这样才会事半功倍~
我因该是带动潮流了吧~呵呵(有点骄傲)因为在班上有时候有些note在lecturers给我们的note里面没有,那些lecturers每次放power point很快就按掉了来不及抄,所以我赶快用相机拍下来了会家在抄,结果现在大家都学我了~ 有时候在上课中就会听到“丁”相机的快门声;
每次驾车到学校时就会注意看校门有没有guard顾,如果刚好没有guard就会赶快冲进校园里~因为park在外面走进校园时在是好远好远啊~!!
开学到现在才去过一次图书馆!!真是气死我了!!
本来已为来这里会整天打game看戏,但是都没有玩到game和看戏~觉得很闷,无聊,幼稚...是我成熟了吗?谁知道;
虽然已经习惯了这里的食物,但是每每到了晚餐时间还是会很烦恼要到哪里吃晚餐...菜色都很相近;
自己煮了还蛮多餐的!厨艺越来越好咯~~呵呵~~
而且越来越肥了!!都没有什么运动到!!
钱,真的不可以乱乱花!!要不然到了月尾又要省省用钱了;
酒,不可以一直喝,因为钱,也因为身体!! 而且自己的酒量也没有好到哪里去,3瓶吧,走路就不稳了;
闲事 ,也不可管太多~最近身边太多busybody了!!整天一直乱告状真是害人不浅;
我先在只想要说:
WHAT EVER!! LET IT BE!! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!! DON'T TRY TO CONTROL MY LIFE!! THIS IS ME!! IF YOU DISLIKE MY ATTITUTE, JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND PISS OFF!!



来了这里这么久,帮3个人庆祝了生日, 不知道我生日时他们会不会帮我庆祝?呵呵~
在utar第一次的presentation~应该算成功吧~除了Q&A的部分~
自己驾下去怡保吃芽菜鸡~幸亏我记得路~~
真是喜欢这里的风景~
自己煮的其中一餐~有时候忘了拍~
久久一次不用紧啦~
天气真好~
朋友家的狗~超可爱的~刚出生不久~超小只的~
上上次回家时
好久没聚了,没良心!!
上上上上上上上上次回家时~ 在citybayview~不好吃!又贵!又热!
上上上上上次回家时~超可爱的小女孩!!
上上上上次回家时的gathering~
不好看!!

本来这个星期不打算回家了~可是星期5每有课,有好多天假期~不回白不回!!
好吧,4点了~真的很迟了~睡了~

Friday, March 19, 2010

hate the life that waking up by alarm...

Friday, February 19, 2010

WOW is chinese new year~~~

I came back from kampar last thursday~~ my friends dropped me at autocity then mom came and fetch me home~~ hmm, i skipped class... sadness... but if i didn't skip, no one can fetch me home... haizz
today is the sixth day of chinese new year already~~
collected many angpau but i didn't open them after chinese new year only take all the money out~~ haha

I edited this greeting card~~ hehe
and upload some more photos here~~


this was the first day~



this was the second day, we went to kek lok si~~ so beautiful!!

this was the third day~~




this was the fourth day~~
went out with them~~ hehe~~
and I drunk....
hahahaha...




watched this movie just now~~ nice movie~ funny~~

Saturday, February 6, 2010

lost myself??

it had been a long time i din update again...
so many things happened~
i changed a lot, in about 3 weeks only... what the hack is this?? i don't want these happened... i want everything back to normal...
this weekend i will stay at qian yi's house~ her family members so friendly~~
we went out for movie, i can be counted that i watched two movie~ the first movie is
大日子, and the second movie is AVATAR!! finally i watched it!! long movie, but nice~
hmm, y i didn't go home since i already came here?? the answer is in my heart...
, well upload some photos first~

this was the first time i went to ipoh d club


and then i met my old friend~



and then my uni friends~~